Why Does My Boyfriend Go Soft When I’m On Top

Why does my boyfriend go soft when I’m on top? If you are having these questions then this article will help you to solve your query.

In this article, I am going to tell you why guys go soft when a girl is on top. There are many reasons why guys go soft while you are on top, you must have experienced it or you must have heard it from your friends.

I am going to give you 10 reasons also, why your boyfriend gets soft when you are on top.

And I am going to give you some suggestions also on how you both can start the discussion or what can you both do about it.

And there will be many other things also which will be helpful for you, which will make you understand, what is the cause of that.

After reading this article you will get to know what is the problem, who is the problem is it him or you or something else.

So first let’s begin with 10 reasons why guys get soft when you are on top or why my boyfriend gets soft when I am on top.

Why does my boyfriend gets soft when I am on top – 10 Reasons 

Let’s discuss 10 reasons, why guys get soft if the girl is on top.

  1. He might be not in a mood
  2. He might be gay
  3. He is interested in someone else 
  4. His work is giving him so much pressure
  5. He might have started drinking alcohol a lot.
  6. He must be smoking a lot.
  7. He is not attracted to you.
  8. He might be nervous or having anxiety, or he might be dealing with depression.
  9. Bad relationship with you or negative
  10. He must be having some medical condition.

1. He might not be in a mood.

One of the reasons could be that he might not be in a mood, or he must be thinking of something else. 

Even if you guys are making out and you are not feeling anything from his side then, it must be one of the reasons that his mind is off, he is not in a mood for anything.

It’s not your fault if you feel like nothing is happening then just talk that what is the problem, and then you both can discuss it, it might be disappointing for you that he is not in a mood but sometimes it’s important to listen what is the cause instead of getting frustrated or anything.

2. He might be gay.

In some cases, guys don’t know if they are gay or not later they realise that they are gay.

So if you are making out with your boyfriend, and he is not turning on or anything, and it’s happening regularly, then it could be the case that he is gay.

It is a very sensitive topic for someone, who doesn’t know about their sexuality or who knows about their sexuality but because their circle is not supportive or because they might be afraid to say to their family about their sexuality, this could be one of the reasons for that.

Or they are not ready to accept the fact that they are gay, so they are trying to prove themselves by doing things with you, but it’s not happening.

So you should ask that but as I told you it is a sensitive topic, so find a way in which they will not feel hurt or anything.

3. He is interested in someone else.

This could also be a reason for not turning on, he is not interested in you he is interested in someone else.

He must be thinking of someone, if you guys are new and just dating nothing serious and you guys haven’t talked about seeing other people or if it’s just a fling then it could be a reason that he may have found someone else who is more attractive then you.

Why Does My Boyfriend Go Soft When I'm On Top
Source: Getty Images

And you can recognise if he is still interested in you or not.

  • He is ignoring you
  • He is not listening to you whatever you are saying to him.
  • You will get a certain vibe where you can feel that he is not interested anymore. 

We should always trust our vibe or intuition if you are getting some off feelings towards him just be cautious or just talk to him, and then everything will be clear.

  • He is lying.
  • He may be not responding to your text messages or call, even though you know that he is not busy.

4. His work is giving him so much pressure.

You might have seen him stressed or pressurized because of the work, he must be very busy with the work that he is not eating, sleeping properly, or working till late at night and going off to work early.

Maybe if you both are making out or something and if you see that he is not performing well, you can see his mind is somewhere else then you should understand that because of the work he is not able to perform well, he is stressed because of work.

Then just try to distract him from his work by adding more foreplay, there are many types of foreplay you use. 

It will be a distraction for both of you and it will be something new for both of you.

5. He might have started drinking alcohol a lot.

 If your boyfriend has started the consumption of alcohol nowadays a lot, and you are having this problem then it might be the cause, because it may decrease the sex drive, and he must be turned on but because of alcohol consumption regularly he must not be getting disease erection.

One of the studies shows that alcohol consumption before sex can be not good because it increases the chance of getting a sexual disease.

So just for the safe side and if you want your sex life to be good then help your boyfriend in decreasing the consumption of alcohol, it will be good for his health also.

And if you think that alcohol makes your sexual life good it doesn’t because if you both are drunk then, first of all after getting drunk many people don’t remember what happened at that time, if you try to think exactly what happens then it comes in your mind but it’s a blur, so if you guys are getting intimate then you would not even remember what happened, you will just think it was good but the actual reality is different.

6. He must be smoking a lot.

As we all know smoking is bad for our health, it causes cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and lung disease, it will cause breathing problems also, dental problems, hearing loss, vision loss and there many more.

It causes many problems and people still use it, they use it out of habit if someone is serious about not smoking anymore then it’s not impossible to do, but some don’t want to try because they haven’t gotten any realisation about how important their life is and by smoking how they are affecting other people, even if you try then it’s up to them only if they want to stop smoking or not.

And if your boyfriend smokes a lot and you guys are having problems with your sexual life then you should talk to your boyfriend.

You might have seen that he doesn’t feel like getting intimate, the desire to get intimate will decrease day by day, when your sex life should get more exciting instead it’s becoming boring or your boyfriend doesn’t feel like getting intimate.

Source: Getty Images

Signs to recognise low sex drive because of smoking.

  • While getting intimate or just making out if you see him getting out a breath then it’s your first sign.
  • Low libido
  • Low stamina
  • Erectile dysfunction 

So help your boyfriend to stop smoking it will be helpful for him and you and your future.

7. He is not attracted to you.

One of the reasons can be that he is not attracted to you, or he might have found you attractive before but now he is not finding you attractive.

If you both are not talking that much, or you are feeling like he is ignoring you, not complimenting you enough, even if you both are together there is not much talking, either he is using his phone or going out more alone or not picking up your call or when you guys are getting intimate you can feel that there are no efforts from his side.

This all can mean that he is not attracted to you now, so it’s better to talk before you get sadder or irritated.

Talking will help both of you, let each other know what are you both feeling and all.

It will be good for your mental health to take care of your mental health it’s more important than anything else.

8. He might be nervous or having anxiety, or he might be dealing with depression.

He might be nervous around you, for example, if you guys are trying something new something exciting and when you are doing it for the first time he might be nervous or have anxiety because you were excited and he didn’t want to hurt you by telling you that he doesn’t want to do it, and when you both are getting intimate and you are feeling anything, towards him then it can be one of the reasons.

It is also called Sexual anxiety, it must be happening because he must be trying to impress you in bed, so he must be getting nervous or if your experience in the past with others has been good and you had told him that then he might be getting anxiety to perform better then your past lovers.

girl on top
Source: Getty Images

So just make him feel like he doesn’t need to do anything in bed to impress or because you are already impressed just make sure he is feeling better, not nervous or having anxiety or anything, only the talk will make him feel better, then you both can enjoy.

There could be other reasons also that he might be depressed, you can recognise by his behaviour, that he is most of the time off, he is not working enough, he is just sitting not doing anything.

Signs  that a person might be depressed:

  • He is feeling tired almost all the time 
  • He is losing interest in things which he used to like before
  • He might be getting angry from time to time
  • Not having enough sleep
  • He is sad most of the time 
  • Feeling negatively

These are the sign of depression

So help your boyfriend, he needs you at that time, makes him feel like he is loved, you should make him go to the therapist, it will be good for him and his life and it will be good for the future.

9. Bad relationship with you or negative.

If your relationship with him is not good then it could be the reason for him going soft, or if he is getting negative day by day and you are feeling distant with him then you may be not feeling anything for him.

 And when you both are getting intimate you are not feeling like doing things with him.

 Even if you are turned on but your subconscious mind remembers the Little Things where you didn’t like his behaviour towards you.

There are little things which make a big impact on our life.

Either you are getting negative or he is getting negative, or you both are getting negative so it’s better to do what’s good for both of you.

10. He must be having some medical condition.

If you and your boyfriend are making out everything is going good and suddenly he goes soft, you will be shocked at what happened. 

But I am giving you advice if that something happened with your boyfriend then don’t laugh or make him feel embarrassed, it would be the worst thing if you will make fun of him or anything.

First, he is already feeling embarrassed and feeling ashamed and if you will make fun of him it will be bad for your relationship with him.

He will not feel comfortable around you, he will not be able to share anything with you, so don’t do that with your boyfriend.

It could be a medical condition also if it happens often then consult a doctor, and be with him to support him.

This medical condition can be erectile dysfunction, in this condition, it’s hard to maintain an erection.

And it is one of the most common issues faced by men.

It can be happening because he might be stressed or have some mental health problem.

Erectile dysfunction
Source: Getty Images

The two main causes of Erectile dysfunction.

  1. Physical problem

Erectile dysfunction can cause by a physical problem, some causes are mentioned below.

  • Heart problem
  • High cholesterol
  • Increase in alcohol consumption
  • Increase in tobacco consumption
  • Diabetes
  • Changes in the sleep cycle
  1. Mental health problem

Our mind plays a very important role in our life, and if we keep it good and healthy will be happy.

If your mental health is not good then it will be hard for you to do things in your life that you do regularly.

  • He might be stressed because of work or something else that he is not telling you.
  • He might be depressed or something, you can see if he is acting differently or something. (I have mentioned above signs of depression).
  • He might be having some issues with you, which he is not telling you.

These are some medical erectile dysfunction conditions.

Now you must be clear that why is it happening with your boyfriend.

Now I am gonna answer some questions which have been asked frequently, “why does my boyfriend go soft when I’m on top”

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) 

Why does my boyfriend go soft during sex?

He may be having some discomfort that’s why he must be getting distracted and going soft.

Or he doesn’t like you on top, which means maybe he’s not comfortable in that position or he doesn’t like that position.

What does it mean if a guy goes soft?

If a guy goes soft while you are on top, it’s not your fault, he might be having some problem with nervousness, stress or something. I would like to advise you that talk to him about this issue.

Is his ED my fault (Erectile dysfunction)

No, it’s not your fault or his fault, at this time you both should talk to each other and you should help him in this situation, he needs his close ones when he is having a problem.

So you should consult an ED specialist.

How can I help my boyfriend to get it up, or help him with his erection to come?

You can try foreplay, or you both can do something new or exciting, or get to know each other better that what you both want, have open communication with each other, or try to talk dirty with him, in that way which you think he can get turn on.

Can a guy be too nervous to get it up?

Yes, it’s possible that a guy can be too nervous to get it up because he might want to impress you or something, he must be trying something new with you so he might be getting nervous so he is not able to perform well.

I have answered most of the question on why does your boyfriend go soft when you are on top. And above I have explained everything on how you can do, what you can do, for everything I have explained everything in detail.


Source: Getty Images

If your boyfriend is going soft while you are on top, just remember it’s not your fault don’t blame yourself.

 if you will think it’s your fault then later it will start affecting you, and your mental health so don’t think of it as your fault it’s not.

So if he goes soft while you are on top or he goes soft inside of you then, it’s not his fault either. He must be nervous or having anxiety or is he going through something at his work and there are many reasons.

You can try some foreplays there are many or something else something new, try talking dirty to him.

Or he may have ED (Erectile dysfunction) he must be not able to perform well because of ED, so you should consult an ED specialist.

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